January 17, 2022
A view from the pavement
As I sat there on the pavement looking to the other side of the road at all the commotion, all the pain that I had been in a split second ago was gone, I could breathe again, it was quiet, silent almost, just me and my thoughts.
It seems so peaceful, so relaxed, to good to be true really. I looked over the road and noticed why all the people were frantically running around trying to organize things as if in a controlled state of panic. There was a guy on the floor with a bicycle laying near his feet, a truck parked close by, a driver noticeably sharing as if in some form of disbelief. Wow I thought to myself, that’s me over there, but how come I am over here?
I thought about life, how I loved it, how I loved the people in it, how much I enjoyed it and how I didn’t want it to end. Did someone tell me what to do? How did I know? How will we ever know? Did I get a peak of what aways us? Was I just imagining?
No, I was there and something or someone was poking me to make a decision…….”are you coming or going buddy?”
The guy I saw across the street thought was i so much pain, he could not breathe, he needed help. I could tell.
And then there was this final moment of clarity……
“I have two choices here: I either sit over here in this amazing peace and let those things over there continue or I get over there and I fight for every breath as that is what it looks like it is going to take.”
Before my thought process and decision making was over I was back in extreme pain, unable to breath, gasping for air and literately fighting for my life. It was mayhem again as my senses returned and I could hear the panic and emergency unfold around me.
Over the last few years on numerous occasions I have asked myself what happened. It is hard to process and I may never reach a solid answer or gain full clarity, maybe that’s the point, maybe I am not supposed to. I guess I got a look, a moment, a chance, a choice. I knew wanted to live more than I wanted to die but I know with that came the biggest fight of my life.
Each time I reflect on it I remember how beautiful it was and how thankful I am. It may happen again, it may not.
That’s the most amazing thing about life, ultimately no one really knows….